


With and Without

by her_majesty_wears_jeans



Series: Outside the (Ask) Box [10]
Category: Madam Secretary
Genre: A Little Canon Divergence, Gen, Loyalties, Originally Posted on Tumblr, Pre-Season/Series 01, Rather dialogue heavy
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-12-30
Updated: 2019-12-30
Packaged: 2021-02-24 16:13:34
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,389
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/21960754
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/her_majesty_wears_jeans/pseuds/her_majesty_wears_jeans
Summary: Elizabeth needs her chief of staff to decide where her loyalties lie.
Relationships: Elizabeth McCord & Nadine Tolliver
Series: Outside the (Ask) Box [10]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1507796
Kudos: 7





	With and Without

**Author's Note:**

> Something I’ve written years ago and recently came across and got inspired to tweak it enough so it could be posted. The “Good job, Madam Secretary” scene in the Pilot is perfect, but here’s an alternative in which Elizabeth doesn’t wait for Nadine to come around on her own rather than confronts her.

She is no longer “professor McCord”, Elizabeth reminds herself after a particularly trying day, slipping into her office. The office that Vincent Marsh had two months ago but is now hers. The one that belongs to the Secretary of State.

She is no longer a teacher, so she is tired of feeling like she’s running a kindergarten. Or more accurately, like she _is_ in kindergarten. From the whispers that follow her on the halls and precede her to meetings, the long glances she gets from people she’s never seen before, and the gossip that Blake inadvertently shares with her when he tries his best not to, Elizabeth feels like she’s reverted from a university professor back to a high school student.

She ignores it, at first, remembering how much harder it was to earn respect as a substitute teacher. The people at the State Department have just lost their boss, suddenly, tragically. It’s natural that the transition is rough. And frankly, their criticism isn’t entirely unfounded; Elizabeth is new to the world of politics. At any rate, it’s a relatively minor issue which she resolves to suspend till she stops thinking of herself as a guest lecturer in her own classroom.

It’s during a relatively harmless staff meeting at the end of a long week that she decides she’s done. Her staff has by then had more than enough time to mourn Secretary Marsh’s death and get used to the regime change. Her trial period would end now; it’d be their turn to either commit or leave.

Making the most of the high of irritation, Elizabeth decides to start right away by confronting the woman who she needs to be in good graces with the most. Nadine has never been outright disrespectful towards her, but the coolness in her eyes and attitude is reflected in what the rest of her staff considers appropriate. Elizabeth doesn’t need the woman to like her – though she has to admit it hurts that Nadine seems to have something personal against her when she doesn’t know why – but she needs her to remember her position and act worthy of the influence she holds over the department.

Anxious, Elizabeth tries not to rush the meeting, but she doesn’t manage to hide the determination behind her eyes, which is why Nadine isn’t surprised when the Secretary eventually dismisses everyone except her chief of staff.

"Nadine, do you have a second?" the woman asks nonchalantly - although Nadine knows it's more of an order to stay. She closes the door she had just been about to walk through, folds her hands into her lap and turns to face the Secretary.

"Of course, ma’am."

After a couple of seconds, having confirmed that they are alone, Elizabeth lifts her gaze from the paper she'd been paging through earlier. She takes off her glasses and stands up with a sigh.

"Look, Nadine, I didn't ask to become the Secretary of State. I never planned to engage in politics, and I know that there are people who consider me unsuitable for this job because of that."

Nadine notices the jab but keeps her face blank. The Secretary is a little too carefree with her word choices at times, but she’s not careless; it was deliberate, and she won’t be expecting, _allowing_ , a response.

"But it is my job now. I accepted because the President asked me to. He's convinced I am the one for the job, and therefore it doesn't matter how eager some people are to see me fail. As long as I'm doing more good than harm, I'm staying."

Elizabeth leans her hands against the table and pretends not to notice how much her next statement will sound like Henry. She lowers her voice a bit, repeating the sentences he’s whispered in her ear between their sheets, convincing her to leave the warmth of her husband’s embrace to face a new day of fighting the people who were supposed to fight alongside her.

"I don't pursue any political goals, nor do I have any personal agenda. If I'm asked to leave tomorrow, I will be okay with that since I don't care about the approval rates. My duty is to this nation and it's also my sole focus here. I'm not doing this for myself, I'm doing this for the greater good", she pauses and looks Nadine in the eye. "And in order to do that, to do my job, I need _this_ to work, Nadine", Elizabeth gestures between the two of them.

"I've been working around you and I know you're not used to that, so now is the time for you to decide whose corner you're going to stand in." She keeps the edge in her voice even though her next words are sincere. "You are a valuable asset to the State Department, and I would hate to have to let you go."

Somewhat taken aback by the Secretary’s lecture, Nadine relied on professionalism to listen with a straight face and back. Stomping down the urge to get defensive since that would not only be petulant but also an admission of feeling thoroughly chastised, she meets the Secretary’s eyes, searching for a response that would buy her enough time to get her thoughts in order. 

"I'm afraid I don't understand", she says, hoping her false frown is convincing enough since in reality, she understands perfectly well – even worse, she agrees with the Secretary. Nadine has waited for this day ever since the woman’s first dumb-luck success. Only it didn’t stop there, and Nadine’s not sure how long she can keep chalking the Secretary’s wins up to beginners’ luck. The bile that has again started rising to her throat is seeping into her voice and turning her words acidic as she asks, "Has my work been substandard, ma'am?"

“No, it’s of good quality”, Elizabeth shakes her head, brushing a lock of hair behind her ear as she stands to her full height. She reads the mask Nadine’s put up easily, but she doesn’t know the woman well enough to be able to say what she’s hiding behind it, so she decides to tread with plain honesty. “But I've seen what you were capable of under my predecessor, Nadine, and good isn't enough. I need my staff to be as invested in their job as I am. If you're not passionate about this, I will find someone who is. You can think whatever you like about me, but those thoughts can't affect your input."

Elizabeth takes a deep breath, both for emphasis and to avoid crossing over to a rant.

Nadine looks like she’s about to say something, but Elizabeth is not done yet. Before she can lift her hand to indicate that, however, Nadine has closed her mouth. Something stirs inside Elizabeth when she realizes the woman has backed away instead of interrupting her, and her tone is warmer as she continues.

"Our relationship has to work because I need my chief of staff with me. I need _you_ with me. So, the question is, are you."

Nadine blinks. "I'm with you, ma'am”, she says, surprising even herself with the firmness of her voice. She’s surprised by her answer in general; it just slipped from her mouth. There never really was a choice to be made, though. She’s known what she needs to do for a while already; she has just refused to accept the truth. But now the Secretary has forced her hand. ~~~~

The woman nods in response to her answer, and even though she keeps her face expressionless, Nadine thinks she seems pleased with the decision. It soothes the way her heart wrings as if she’s betrayed Vincent.

The Secretary looks back down to the report. "Good night, Nadine."

Returning the wish, Nadine nods as well and turns to leave. She tries to ignore the nagging voice in the back of her mind since her ego has been bruised enough for one day, but when she reaches the door, she finds herself unable to cross the step. After sparing a sidelong gaze to the woman sitting behind the desk, Nadine swallows her pride and spins around.

"Ma'am?" she calls out but doesn't wait for an answer before continuing. "Just so you know, I think that the President was right."

This time Elizabeth allows herself a genuine smile.


End file.
